Saturday, January 26, 2008

Things to do ...

... before you make your worship-leader debut.
  1. Make sure you've had enough to drink so you're not all dry-mouthed before it's your turn to lead the congregation in prayer or read from scripture.
  2. But don't drink too much water so you don't really need to make a pit stop in the middle of the service.
  3. Practice your reading and make sure you can pronounce all the weird names Dr. Luke has inserted into his stirring tale of the Adventures of Paul the Evangelizing Tent-Maker.
  4. If wearing a skirt, make sure the elastic in your foundation apparel isn't preparing to snap mid-reading.
  5. If it does, casually shift position to keep them from making their debut in front of the congregation along with you.
  6. Try to pretend like you've sung that hymn before. Be thankful for various "Elvis sings Gospel" K-Tel albums that were advertised on TV on Saturday afternoons, which helped inform your Catholic upbringing.

Don't ask if I've discovered any of this from personal experience. Them that know don't tell and yaddayadda.

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